Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
