I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
