my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
