she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
