I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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