Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
