i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
