i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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