Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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