for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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