the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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