Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
