You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
