It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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