I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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