I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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