pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
