I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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