I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
