my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
