What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
