I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
