I hate all girls vehemently.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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