i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
