I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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