the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
