Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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