i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
