I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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