chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No subtext here. People are naked.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
