I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
