i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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