nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
