meet me or not, i'm out of control
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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