Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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