i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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