I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
