I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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