dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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