i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
