i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
