im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
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Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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