I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
