K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
