I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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