yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
