I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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