I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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