everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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