She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
