Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
