I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
