I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
