I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
where are my eyebrows?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
