New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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