Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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