dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
