dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
