Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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