I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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