On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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