i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
