I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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