she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
