Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just want to make out with him forever
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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