Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
