Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
