ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
