So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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